Shift

I always shift between breaking too easy
And mindlessly numb
I don’t feel like me until
I’m loaded with vodka and rum

I quickly shift between restless madness
And unwakeable with a touch of suicidal
Some of my best conversations 
Have been with my hallucinations

I never know what version of me
I am going to be
I shy away from love
But wear my heart on my sleeve

I share too much too often
And the lies keep repeating
I’m trying to sort everything out in my head
But there’s to much conflict when it’s all “he said she said”

I runaway when my burden
becomes too much
My blood is boiling warm
But my heart is cold to the touch

I shift between wanting
the future others see for me
And fearing life will become
More like what my nightmares show me.

I long for day light
That’s when I find peace
From all the demons
That come back to haunt me

Patricia Dorr 6/27/2019