Surrounded by Darkness

It was so cold, dark, and scary back then. So much time was spent in my mind both consciously by playing make believe and subconsciously through day dreams and depression fuled slumber. By the mere age of ten I had already experienced more horror than most adults go through. Physical abuse starting from age 2, mental abuse, from around age 5, sexual abuse starting at age 7, and physical and emotional neglect starting from when I was a baby. Of course I never blamed my parents, my dad was absent for most of the 12 years I lived with my mom, and when he was there he was always sleeping just like I was; see the thing is depression is often hereditary. I also didn’t blame my mom she became a mom young and was never ready, she was battling her own mental health issues and battles with addiction. No, I did not blame anyone else, only myself for not being able to make the ones I love feel better. We didn’t live with my dad, but I was always taking care of my mom and my younger siblings. I didn’t know much back then, but I knew she was sick and needed me to. I love her, with all my heart I love her, but back then moving from home to home, being hurt so badly by so many it was cold, dark and scary, and I was always all alone.