In honor of this month, I started taking a course on women’s health and equality on the learning app Coursera (not sponsored it’s just a really good app). The course is free even to get a certificate of completion. I am almost done with my first week, and I have already learned so much.
Also, in honor of Women’s History Month, I want to shout out the several women in my life who, in one way or another, inspire me to be the person I want to be.
The honorable mentions are all of the women in my family tree who lived the way they did in all of the areas of Europe and the U.S. that they did so that I could have the life I have now (this includes the women in my adoptive family trees too because my parents wouldn’t be here to aspt me if they didn’t live the lives they did).
Other honorable mentions are all the female mentors I’ve ever had who inspired me with their drive to succeed and work ethics. I even learned from mentors that I did not care for very much.
I want to take this time, though, to give specific thanks to the individual women who have molded me into the person I am today.
10. My high-school Spanish teacher, my 11th grade math teacher, and my 9th, 11th and 12th grade English teachers.
I couldn’t pick just one of them in this bracket because I only wanted to do a top 10 list, but all 3 made a big impression on my life. My high school spanish teacher I had for all 4 years of high school was the leader of the Costa Rica trip for anyone taking spanish when I was a junior, and she helped me through some self harm issues I had once.
My 11th grade math teacher, although I was never really good at math, has a special place in my heart because she was the first person I told that I had been assaulted when I was in my senior year of high school, and also that year, it was a month before the final and she said she didn’t think I would pass her class or the final but I passed both!
My English teachers in those years stood out to me because English was always my favorite subject, and my 11th grade teacher really understood who I was as a person and loved my poetry.
My 9th grade English teacher was also my 12th grade public speaking teacher. I loved her because she was never afraid to give constructive criticism about my stories and my speeches, plus I could always make her laugh.
My 12th grade English teacher and I formed a good bond. We would always talk after class about the topics we discussed, and all kinds of things until she would have to write me a not for my next teacher as to why I was late (I didn’t mind because my next class was gym and I didn’t like exercise back then).
9. My English Research and Comp. professor at Suny Jefferson
I had her for other classes too, but I can’t remember what. She always encouraged me with my poetry writing and was one of the poetry contest judges (though i never won, I always had fun). She loved my research papers, and she is still on my Facebook friends list (I friended her after I graduated)
8. My mentors at Planned Parenthood
I had 2 main ones during my time there, and they both taught me a lot about professionalism. They allowed me to take the reins on some very important projects, and they kept the door open for me to volunteer with them even when my internship was ending and they knew I was getting sad about leaving. Plus, they got me a going away appreciation present and loved the one I got them.
7. My advisor and professor at Keuka College
I had the privilege of working with a number of high-quality, helpful, and friendly professors and advisors my whole college career, most of them being women, but the reason my advisor, who was also the professor of many of my social work classes. She helped me both understand the course work, and in helping me feel calm and strong and smart enough to tackle any academic or homelife stressor that came my way while never coddling me or expecting any less than my best work.
6. My birth mom’s mom
I’m not going to pretend that my biological maternal grandma and I had the best relationship, or even a good relationship, because we didn’t really. We definitely had some laughs and special times, but she was always more harsh with me than the boys in the family. She always yelled at me for rocking back and forth, and whenever it was time to call her on the phone, she wanted to talk to my brothers more than me.
That being said I felt extremely guilty for not talking to her for years until she was on her death bed and pretty much unable to talk, then when she died and I started writing a memoir about the effects she and my grandfather, her husband and my favorite family member, had on me growing up, I began to humanize both of them more.
This meant taking him off the high pedestal I had him on, and seeing her as a human being who was suffering from untreated mental illness and trauma her whole life. That lesson, as well as the good times we did have, are how I remember her now, not all the bad times and struggles.
5. My adoptive mom’s mom
I love my grandma on my adoptive moms side. She’s my only maternal grandma left, and she is the closest grandparent I have. We don’t agree on everything, but we have fun debating politics with each other, and we are always there for each other.
For my graduation from high school she took me on a cruise to the Bahamas and a then we stayed in Florida for a few days to go to Disney worlds magic Kingdom and Sea World (yes I know it’s not a safe place for the animals, but I didn’t know that at the time and neither did my grandma). That was a magical trip that I will have to talk about sometime.
4. My Adoptive mom’s cousin
This family member does a lot for the family, things weren’t always so good between us all, but now, she inherits me if anything happens to my mother, that’s how close we are now. She’s helped me move both times I’ve moved from my own apartments, and the second time it was really bad, so she put in a lot of work, she takes me do my appointments often, does my hair with salon quality, and is never afraid to tell it like it is especially with things like my diabetes, and when I’m dating someone that she is able to find dangerous things about (she’s like a detective she’s so good).
I go to her house to carry on the holiday traditions my siblings are all too old for and do them with her son, who is still a young child, and while she’s not the hugging type of person, we always say we love each other, plus it’s fun when we scare each other when the other person is opening a door or something.
3. My Adoptive mom’s sister
I have a total of 4 aunts not counting great aunts, my 2 biological ones are unsafe to be around or even to have a conversation with, one of my adoptive aunts is my dad’s step sister who is a lot younger than him, and who is even several years younger than me. She’s really cool, but I used to babysit her when she was 9. So I can’t go to her for the support I need an aunt for. We have also lost touch as she’s gotten older, and I don’t really talk to anyone in my dad’s family anymore for one reason or another (some reasons I still don’t understand).
My adoptive mom’s sister, though, is 10 years older than me and has always been one of my strongest supporters. We moved in together when she was newly divorced, and I was trying to live like an adult before my breakdown in 2015, she helps me out when I’m in financial trouble, and I can always go to her with my biggest secrets, or when I just need some support. We are not as close as we were since she moved out of New York, but we still contact each other regularly, but text or Google meet (she doesn’t have any social media). I love her so much and can’t imagine my life without her.
2. My birth mom
I put my birth mom’s as number 2, but she was my first home (her womb) and I would not have ever existed without her. I lived with her for 12 years before I went into foster care living with her sister until at 13 i was placed with strangers. Growing up I learned a lot from her, while some of it was how not to be as an adult (she struggled with addiction and untreated mental health issues, but I didn’t know that at the time) I also learned some good things from her too. She did the best she could raise 4 kids as a single mother. Her best just didn’t seem to be as much as we needed.
She did, however teach me things like several board games and card games, she always made our birthdays and holidays special, she got me my first and most favorite cd collection, and she did, and does love all of her kids with her whole heart.
She struggled a lot especiallywith trying to be a friend instead of a mother, but she still knew enough to sign over her rights, so my one sibling and I could be adopted by our new parents so we could have the best life possible. We are not always on the same page about healthy amounts of conversation or topics of conversation, and i did have to cut her off at ine point when she wouldn’t respect my boundaries and was still using, but I can be open with her about anything, and she will do her best to support me.
She has recently been making me very proud by going to all of her doctors, including therapy, and by still being clean and sober, too. I love her so much and hope she learns how to forgive herself for the past so she can have a bright future. (I’m saying this in case she reads this).
1. My adoptive mom, just like how I wouldn’t exist without my bio mom, I wouldn’t be here, on earth typing this, without my adoptive mom. She has done so much more for me than I can ever repay her for. She got me when I was 15, and my sibling that got adopted with me was already living here. While my dad no longer talks to me for reasons unclear, she has always been by my side even through the harsh downs and the extreme highs.
We have argued, had misunderstandings, gotten completely hurt by each other, and everything in-between, but we still always love each other and work things out after enough time has passed. There have been so many times I thought I finally pushed her away for good and that she would abandon me, but she never has. I lived with her as a teen who needed structure paired with love to heal from my traumas, she let me go out on my own as an adult until my break down, then took me back, she helped fight for me to get SSI without which, I wouldn’t be able to live.
She and I made the desicion for me to go to an adult group home for a little while when we were at our roughest patch, but I was still very much a part of her life, we just needed some space apart, then when the unthinkable happened at that adult group home (I will talk about that another time), she took me right back until I was well enough to try living on my own again. She has always helped me financially too.
She is the one who realized that I have an eating disorder too. She helped me go from a 15 year old who turned off their emotions emotions to an adult who freely expresses them. For my first year after getting adopted I didn’t complain about anything or ask for anything becausei didn’twant to be too difficult and get sent back (not that she would ever do that) but once she learned that she helped me overcome it.
We still struggle with understanding each other from time to time as my autism causes me to thibk and act differently than a neurotypical person, but now that she is on her own journey of healing from her trauma and anxiety, we have a closer bond than ever and she can appreciatemy quarks a lot better.
I don’t even plan on living on my own again unless I get a spouse or something, and that is okay with me because she offers me so much love and support, we spend time doing out own hobbies and activities, but then we always come together too. Everymornig and night we say we love each other and hug, we take our meds together, we share responsibility of our dogs and the household cleaning (she’s much better at it than me though), we watch Dr. Phil, Oprah, and true crime shows together, plus every Tuesday at 8 we watch finding your roots on PBS.
We both help each other, we both hold each other accountable, and she still operates like my mother above anything else even though we are friends.
Mental Health Blog | Fight4mylife | United States 