International Women’s Day!

I would like to start this very late and long overdue post thanking all of the women (people who to my knowledge all identify as women) in my life who have influenced me and led me to become the person I have. I wouldn’t be where I am today without these women. This list is in no particular order, but the last two are a tie for first best woman.

The list of the 10 best women in my life are…

1. All of the women who fought for equal rights in every area and across every demographic so I could be where I am now.                                                          2. My past female teachers in various grades who have shaped me into who I am.                                                            3. My former caseworker who made all the difference.                                               4. My cousins Laniee                                                      5. My Cousin Courtney                                                 6. My Aunt Nina                                       7. The grandmas in my life, (my favorite one knows who she is).         8. The women I met in Seaside Oregon                                                        9. My sisters who I struggle to understand but who have been through much. Especially the one who first made me an aunt!                                                      10. My moms both bio and adoptive who are each there for me in different ways.

     

Now for my timeline                           of womanhood!

While I do identify as non binary which for me means not feeling 100 percent female despite that being my assigned sex at birth, I was raised with female issues affecting me as that is what society treated me as. Therefore the feminine spirit still affects me. Also for me my non binary identity leads me to feel like a mix of a female and a male as I have parts of my self that don’t just conform to one set of gender roles or the other. So now I will show and explain my timeline of womanhood and tell you why it might help you to do the same (people who don’t identify as a woman, please feel free to still do a timeline of your life in any w at that you feel helps you get a clear picture of yourself whether it be a timeline based on your age, parenthood journey, or the one I am doing).

Making this timeline helped me understand the journey I’ve been on and all of the important moments in my life that have changed my view of womanhood and my overall gender identity. It also helped me appreciate all of the influential women (and some men) in my life.

This timeline is a bit hard to read due to the limitations of canvas, but I’ll go through my journey quickly.

The first milestone is my birth where I was assigned female at birth due to my genitalia. This was after my mother was told I was a boy during the ultrasound. I went home in boy clothes because my mom only had boy clothes. From then on I always got mistaken as a boy even when I wore girl clothes for some reason.

My mom was struggling at the time with poverty, addiction, and inner demons, but she was still doing all she could to care for me despite that fact. She eventually left my dad for our protection.

The second milestone was in 1996 when I first became a big sister, not only was I no longer an only child, but I was given a new title. I was someone’s big sister, their protector and I had an annoying, cute, lifetime, new friend.

This is not one of my photos. It’s a stock photo

The third milestone is when my final biological sibling was born and it was my first time having a little sister. Between 1996 and 2001 my youngest biological brother was born and he is who I spent most of my life with and who I have a special bond with, but when my sister was born and for the first 4 years of her life before we were separated I was with her almost 24/7.

When we lost touch and she forgot who I was that broke me. But now we have a connection again having a sister helped me in ways I can’t say. I was still never a typical girl, but

The fourth milestone was in 2003 when I moved back to from New York to my hometown in Connecticut I had just turned 10 and I had to leave my grandfather who I loved so much. I ended up meeting my birth father who had always wanted a boy. Things were good for a while, I spent the summer at his apartment, but over the next three years he would terrorize me with his unstable lifestyle.

My father was kind of like Darth Vader except in reverse, he was good at first but awful as time went on.

The fifth milestone is the passing of my grandfather it was 2004 and I had just turned 11 that may. He was the only person in my family that I do not remember hurting me in some way. I wouldn’t learn about his imperfections and his demons until much later in 2021 while trying to write a memoir and doing family history interviews, so for me he remained a God.

He is still one of my influential role models and father figures, but I can finally see him as human now, which is how we should all see other people. Everyone has flaws, everyone has good in them, you can still love people’s good parts while recognizing that they aren’t perfect as long as you put up healthy boundaries. Don’t let them hurt you and use those flaws as an excuse for why they are doing so.

My favorite grandpa! I wish I had more pics of him.

The sixth milestone is when both of my parents sent me away from each of their homes with my mother finally sending me back to new York where my aunt lived with her children and husband. I felt abandoned by both of my parents because I wasn’t able to realize at the time that neither of them could care for me with their lifestyles.

I thought I was doing a great job caring for my siblings and I, but could not see that that wasn’t my job. My one brother and sister were sent to one home with my mom’s cousin while my other brother and I were sent to NY where I would once again be abused by the cousin that started abusing me when I was 9. I had briefly got away from him, but was now going right back.

For my whole childhood I felt voiceless. Like my words didn’t matter and couldn’t stop the abuse.

Being abused as a young child and for most of my life really has an effect on my view of what it means to be a woman. For me, all my life having female characteristics and being seen as a female had meant I had to get better at protecting myself physically and sexually so u don’t get hurt, while it seems males have to guard themselves more emotionally like not letting out emotions. Though ice never been seen as a male and have never faced the unique pressures that men may feel so it is an area I’m unfamiliar with.

I do know, however that as someone who was raise female, many women and girls have similar and even worse stories of abuse and assault just because of their gender. I also know that so many other LGBTQ+ people live in fear and face so much abuse and pain just for being who they naturally are and that is why on this international women’s day post (that is very late). I want to recognize all women, even those who were not born and assigned female at birth for the struggles they have faced through the years even though they shouldn’t have had to.

Wooo! Yeah! Go women!

My seventh milestone is when I got taken out of my aunt’s home and got taken into a strangers home into foster care. This will not be my final home, but it is the first and only home that I finally get an older sibling as my foster parents here already have their own son. I end up modeling a lot of his behavior and his style of dress. He made a big impact on my life.

Sadly my cousin follows along with my other 2 cousins and my brother. The abuse continues there until I finally say something one final time. This time, while he is not criminally prosecuted, he ends up being moved and I never get abused by him again. Not to long after, my other cousins and my brother leave the home too. My brother and I are temporarily separated until my next milestone.

I felt this was the perfect stock image to show how alone I was when my good cousins and brother were sent to different homes. My aunt also had the whole family stop talking to me for telling the truth about my cousin.

Milestone eight is an important one. This is the last family I get sent to, they are my “forever family” as we call it in foster care and adoption. My story as it a l most didn’t happen. The basics for now is that while no one is perfect, and while I love my birth mom so much for making the choices she did, at the time, my new mom put in a lot of hard work to break down my walls and to get me to trust again.

I instantly clung to her. I had a new dad at this home and it took a lot of hard work, but eventually my walls came down enough for me to slip and call him dad one day on the phone. I almost ages out of care before I decided to be adopted, but my other 2 siblings in Connecticut had each other, my brother here would have been all alone if I didn’t. Also the idea of him being allowed to drive a four wheelers post adoption while I would still not be able to while in foster care may have played a part in the decision.

In any case it turned out to be a good decision. I have a great relationship with my mom and I had a cherished relationship with my father who I saw as a positive male role model. We are going through struggles now that I can’t understand, but I still love him.

Once again, not me just a stock photo of a dad and a kid.

My ninth milestone of womanhood was my adoption day. It was the summer right after I turned 16 the previous month. The reason I count this milestone in my womanhood journey is because that day I followed through with my decision to fully change the first, middle, and last name that I had for 16 years.

That day I was Surounded by new family and no longer considered property of the state. I would spend the rest of my life including right now in a new life with an ever changing and evolving sense of self.

My tenth milestone was a dark day, though I can’t quite remember the exact day, I still remember the events. It was no secret to me that there were struggles in my new family, now with new siblings who were adopted in the 2 following years.

I did think we were all going to live in that house together forever, but one day when I was 21 my parents made the announcement that they were separating. My one brother wanted to stay with my dad, my 4 new siblings went with my mom, and I tried life as an adult with a new job, college, and my aunt as a roommate as it was cheaper for us both to split the bills.

This was a particularly important part of my timeline as it was my first time in the adult world paying bills and being treated as a grown woman. Sadly however the following year my mental health got so bad I had to check out of life and take an indefinite break. Over the next few years from the age of 21 to about 23 I loved in and out of my apartment with my aunt, the hospital, my mom’s apartment with her and my siblings, and for a brief time an adult group home for adults with developmental disabilities. Life was rough, I was lost just drifting in and out of wellness. Eventually I felt well enough to move I n my own again, this time fully on my own in housing for seniors and people with disabilities.

Very hard, I should have listened to the warnings

I did really well at this place for the most part for about 3 years until I was 26. I was still on the wild side as I had just finally started experimenting with my sexuality and further experimented with my identity.

I met a lot of people I regret meeting and did some things I regret doing including hurting my adoptive mom with my choices. In any case I made it through that rough patch and even started school again to finish my associates degrees in Human Services and Chemical Dependency.

Just another stock photo.

For my eleventh milestone. I did move during the pandemic to a place that was is closer to my mother’s current place and that was a 2 bedroom. I did great there for a while and was very glad to be in a place that was not just for seniors and people with disabilities but for anyone who had a low income. That may not seem like a step up, but for me it meant I wouldn’t be evicted if I ever got pregnant as babies aren’t allowed to live in the building I lived in before.

I did well for a while and even had my cousin live there as a roommate when she needed a place to stay, but soon my brothers stopped visiting because my place stopped staying clean. I was getting depressed while I wasn’t taking my meds properly. I was able to graduate in 2021 with my associates degrees and get accepted to my dream college that same year for the next term. I put all of my effort into my schoolwork and not nearly as much into any other area of my life. School was the one place I felt I succeeded. But my health was getting bad again.

During this time, while there were struggles, and while I was very all over the place with this blog, I was starting to learn more about myself and my identity. I went voluntarily celibate in 2021 and stopped dating all together until I could learn how to have healthy relationships (still working on myself there) but through my lessons at school and other personal experiences I was able to place a name to the feelings I had for my whole life.

I realized that the word non-binary actually fit me and the way I see myself. I finally understood what my gender identity was. I also realised that there are different types of attractions and you don’t have to be sexually attracted to anyone to still feel like you could be romantically attracted to someone. I finally told myself the truth that for my whole life I felt no sexual attractions, but could see myself in a relationship with people of any gender. That’s while I felt comfortable with the identity of a sexual and pan romantic.

That brings me to the twelfth and final milestone I added to my timeline. This part of the timeline brings me to my point in time. I ended up moving from my apartment right into my mom’s place just this year where 2 of my siblings are left.

So far it hasn’t been too long, but I’m already taking all of my meds properly, loosing some excess weight, socializing more, getting ready to graduate with my Bachelors degree in Social Work this may after I finish my internship, and I’m fully happy with my non-binary, asexual, pan romantic self.

I definitely still have work to do and habits to break. But I have come a long way. There are so many people to thank for where I have gotten to, but on this month, international woman’s month (and only a few days after international woman’s day) who recognize, acknowledged, and appreciate. I hope I can be a similar source of inspiration for my 3 younger sisters, my niece, younger cousins (I’m the oldest sibling in both families and the oldest cousin in both sides of my adoptive family) and anyone reading this extremely long blog post!

Time for you to create your timeline!

While creating this timeline I had to sit with myself and fully analyze my life and what being a “women” has meant to me over the ever changing course of my life. The same process I did can help you look back at all of the important moments in your life that led you to where you are.

Start first listing 10 (or less or more if you need) people who have inspired you on your journey. By doing this first step you take time to put into words what or who you are greatful for.

Next make a list of important milestones on your journey. You don’t have to do 12, you can do as little or as many as you feel you need. This step allows you to see how you have progressed through your life, and can give you a feeling of acomplishmemt. It can also point you in the right direction for how to move forward. At least that’s how it worked for me.

I did 10 women and this type of timeline just in honor of international women’s day and month, but if you are doing a timeline for a different reason like honoring men in your life, or a timeline based on some other personal aspect you can feel free to tailor your timeline and list based on that.

I am still on a journey of self discovery, self love, and still working every day to improve my health. I’m still in the fight 4 my life. Make sure to follow me on this journey to stay updated, I may even have some wisdom to share so you can learn from my mistakes instead of learning the hard way like I often do.

An Emotionally Charged Week.

Made with Canva Pro

I could say here and go on and on about the horrors of the true meaning of Thanksgiving, because there are so many, but due to the fact that only an extremely untraceable amount of Native American heritage I have, and there are still questions as to the connection between my ancestors and the true first nation’s people in the area (due to loss from war, disease, and murder) or if any native ancestors I may have had really wanted to be part of the family.

I have found some clues in Ancestry.com, but am in no way a skilled genealogist. Because of all that, I do not feel qualified to speak for people who are actually Native American and part of that culture.

Not sponsored

https://www.ancestry.com/

Also, my last post about veterans’ day may have come off a little too preachy and more like a research paper than interesting to people who are not college professors. I’m a senior in my Bachelor’s of Social work so I apologize but I seem to have been stuck in school mode.

I am, however going to discuss the less patriotic reason for my grief on this holiday and how I’ve recovered over the years. I would give tips to how to handle family conflict on holidays, but I’ve already done that in earlier posts a few years ago.

In my very last post that I just posted a few minutes ago (my first story post) I shared two pictures. These pictures were first the man who would become the most important man in my life as far as now at least, and the second photo was me and that man when I was too small to remember clearly.

Only picture I have of my Grandpa when he’s on his own without currently living relatives.

For a little background, when I said that I had a bare amount of Native Heritage, he’s where I got any of it from in the first place. This man was my Biological Mother’s father. His name was Albert Gilbert and he died 18 years ago on November 20th 2 days before what was supposed to be his 60th birthday when I was 10 and a half years old several states away.

That was the first Thanksgiving I remember my world changing as I spent that week that year traveling to the funeral of one of only a few people in my biological family who never wronged me in any way or abused me. (He was not perfect, as none of us are, but I would not learn that fully until just last year, and his good qualities still made him loved by all in our family.

This is a picture of my grandparents and ny grandmother’s grandparents on her mother’s side on the day my Grandparents got married. This was the beginning of their family together. BACK ROW: Grandpa and Grandma FRONT ROW: Grandma’s Grandpa and Grandma’s Grandma.

While I only knew him for 10 years and could only start to form any kind of memories when I was almost 5, I still remember all of my happiest times in my first 16 years of life before my adoption involving him. He taught me many life lessons in that short amount of time and the several years we lived with him and my grandma I did nearly everything with him.

The bonding:

Polaroid of me and my grandfather on one of my family camping trips. I’m the small child not letting him eat in peace.

My earliest memories I have of me in my grandpa is when I was an age I can’t exactly place my finger on, bur I know it was very early, and I know these are genuine memories because I brought them up to others for the first time without anyone telling me about them first. When I was very little possible 4, we lived, not on, but very close to a Native American Reservation between the Canadian and New York borders. The Reservation is St. Regis Mohawk Reservation which now encompasses Hogensberg New York, we were in a sparsely populated village called Helena, New York. From what I was told by my mother my grandfather was very close to the tribe and they seemed to have liked him well enough to befriend him.

Image from https://www.srmt-nsn.gov/ I do not have the rights.

I bring this stuff up for various reasons, the first is because I do recognize that I have certain privileges handed to be due to the harmful processes of colonization, even with any small traces of connection, and while I know there are people out there with similar stories of questionable ancestry who jump to claim they understand what true Native Americans feel because of these questionable connections, I know for a fact that I don’t know how it feels to be subjected to such extreme torment and hardships due to such damaging atrocities. I admit that I am just starting to learn more clearly how these injustices are still affecting people today and trying to learn what I can do to help, but I do wish to be a friend and ally to all those suffering from injustice.

My experience of those times we lived together in that area involve spending time on our rural plot of land where my grandparents lived in a one-bedroom house that was a hunting cabin my grandmother’s brothers owned. On the property also was a trailer that burn down, and another one that my aunt, her husband, and my cousins lived in. There was also a one room shack that my mom brother and I lived in with my brother’s dad in the warm months and a small camper we lived in during the cold months.


On that property I spent time with my grandfather playing with him outside, sitting on his lap while he drove his sitting lawn mower, and listening him sing me lullabies including one he made up. We also had an older neighbor who I can’t remember too clearly, but I know she had a bunch of bunnies my grandpa and I helped care for with her adult son. Off the property I often went to where my grandfather worked. He had always made ends meet by doing odd jobs.

At the time the one I know about is that he used to do construction for a racetrack on the Reservation that was, at the time known as Frog-town Raceway (don’t ask me why), but is now known as Mohawk International Raceway. Because of his work we often went to the races each weekend where my mom and aunt also worked at a restaurant for a woman my grandpa had worked for over a number of his years while in New York. We also collected cans and bottles to make some extra money (and there were a lot of them).

Those are the biggest memories I have of that time, but they are not the only memories of bonding with my grandfather. I do know that my mom often moved us away from and back to my grandparents over the first 10 years of my life, while he was still alive. Sadly, I the next age I can remember living with my grandfather was the age of 6 then we left until I was about 8 and then we stayed with my grandparents again until leaving for the last time the summer after I turned 10. That was also the last time I would ever see my grandfather as more than I box of ashes (he was cremated).

Image on canva

Over that period of 4 years on and off, I remember spending even more time with my grandfather. I did still do stuff like go to school, and spend a bit of time outside with my cousins, siblings, and my one friend, but the rest of the time, I was literally right at my grandfather’s side. By that time, he was not working at the race track, but was working on a farm for the woman who owned the restaurant that my mother and aunt worked at. I remember he would often rotate days that he took one of his grandchildren from my aunt and my mom to work with him.

I loved the days that I got to go because I got to spend one on one time with him, when normally our home was like the home of Charlie Buckets from Willy Wonka with 8 people (4 adults and 4 children) living in a one-bedroom apartment. I honestly don’t know how we did it or how we had money for anything as my grandpa and my mom’s brother were the only two who worked and they were only often odd jobs. We made due and survived, but there was little to no one on one time with anyone aside from those times working with my grandpa.

Not a picture of the actual farm, got from WordPress free pics

On those days I got to help him with taking care of the animals, and we would always go to the diner in town before work because my grandpa didn’t like my grandma’s cooking. When we got home, or even on the days that I didn’t go to work with him, my siblings and I would always rush to him so that we could be the first ones to unlace his shoes for him, as he was tired from working all day, and we thought it was an honor for some reason.

The non work related memories I have of my grandfather are of him trying (despite my lack of understanding) to teach me how to play solitaire on our TV which had just gotten a Dish satellite with games on it. The other activity we often spent hours doing and which shaped my early life was watching everything and anything from a variety of genres, either from his vast VHS collection (VHS tapes are how we used to view movies and shows), or from our satellite dish whenever we had the money for it. This was in the very late 90s and early 2000s so there were DVDs that had just come out, but we couldn’t afford the new technology.

Found as Gif on Tenor by typing in Grandpa and dranddaughter watching tv.

I think the reason my grandfather and I watched so much TV in our free time because he was often exhausted from working all day every day and those 4 years were the last for years of his life when he was at his lowest level of health. (For at least the last year he was battling leukemia, but I had no idea about what that was or that he had it until I was a late teen. In any case, I enjoyed the televised adventures we went on and everything he taught me while we were watching TV.

Of all of the time we spent together the one time I regret is when my grandpa was trying to teach me how to fish, but I got bored and distracted trying to catch a butterfly. That was the first and last time I remember fishing with him and I felt so guilty after he passed that I never wanted to learn how to fish again.

Not an actual picture of us. Was found on Canva

The Lessons:

The Lessons I learned from my grandfather and my time with and without him are not too difficult to understand, but they are valuable and they have profoundly influenced my development. I am now going to share these Lessons here.

  • As long as you are trying your best to support yourself or your family, and as long as you have the basics, material goods don’t matter as much
  • Treat everyone the way you want to be treated and respect and help everyone regardless of differences like Race, religion, gender, or other characteristics
  • Take pride in your work and don’t give up halfway through, get the job done and work hard so you can enjoy your reward.
  • Always tell your loved ones that you love them, and never go to bed angry with each other because you never know what is going to happen
  • Patience is important (he didn’t directly teach me this, as patience was one of his struggles, I learned that it is importantby watching him strugglewith this)
  • You can learn more in everyday life sometimes than you can sitting behind a desk and different people have different talents and strengths and weaknesses; it is important to know your own limits.
  • And finally, cherish everyday you are here and capture as many memories as possible, some day only memories may be left of your time with someone.

Missing My Grandpa on Thanksgiving: 10/22/44-10/20/04

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Missing My Grandpa on Thanksgiving: 10/22/44-10/20/04

A Dire Message on Veterans Day.

Trigger Warning: Homelessness, Mental Illness, P.T.S.D., Suicide, L.G.B.T.Q+, Racism and Discrimination, Disability, Elderly struggles, Sexual Aasault

Special consideration: sorry to all but due to unforseen circumstances this post is a day late. That doesn’t make the message any less important.

A note about today and it’s significance.

I am not sure if I even have an audience yet, let alone one anywhere other than the U.S. but for those of you who may be reading this and who may not be from the United States, today is the federally recognized day of observance known ad Veterans Day. It is a day of honoring all former members of the various branches of the military over the past.

I know that through out the world, and even in this country there are many different thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and opinions about war, government, and the armed forces. I also know that no matter a person’s beliefs, even those that are different from my own, that person is still a human being deserving of respect, compassion and empathy.

The focus of this blog for today is not to get politically divisive, argumentive, or overly extremely nationalistic as I have love for all people as humans regardless of nation and recognize that while there are differences, there are also many similarities between us all. We all laugh and cry in similar ways for example.

Instead of trying to pit people against each other, this post is to highlight a serious issue in this country that I believe to be a grave absence of justice. That is the way in which many of our veterans are treated upon returning home to the nation they risked their lives to serve.

About our veterans

There have, over the course of the history of the United States of America been various different groups of soldiers such as “Green Mountain Boys, Buffalo Soldiers, Tuskegee Airmen, Women Airforce Service Pilots, Screaming Eagles, and Green Berets” (Vespa, 2020).

Many of the veteran in our country’s history had very little to no choice in serving due to the drafts for the wars from the Revolutionary War to the Vietnam War.

A large number of the veterans from the Vietnam War still being alive today and making up the largest population of U.S. vets (Vespa, 2020).

While the number of veterans has declined with 26.4 million being reported in 200 and 18.0 being reported in 2018 (Vespa, 2020), the problems faced by many veterans have not stopped

The reality of Veterans who are minorities

  • Women Veterans

It should be noted that about 9% or 1.7 million veterans are women and that number is on the rise with an estimated number of 17% of the veterans in the US bring women by 2040 (Vespa, 2020).

Women face many barriers still to equality in overall society and in the Military. Women who serve should be treated with the dignity and respect that they deserve and should not be seen as less capable of service or like they don’t belong.

A large number of Women Veterans have had experiences of Sexual Assault while in the service  women veterans are also more likely to develop PTSD (N.N., 2022).

Women who have been in the service are also more likely than women who have not been in the service to die by suicide (N.N., 2022)

The number of women veterans has increased dramatically between 2006 and the present; many homeless women veterans are single parents who can not find services that are geared towards women veterans (N.N., 2022).

The Top 3 Health Conditions for women Veterans Being Treated in VA Hospitals.

  • PTSD
  • hypertension
  • depression

“Approximately 83% of women veterans receive their health care from non-VA practices” (N.N, 2022).

  • LGBTQ+ Veterans

The veteran non profit organization known as DAV states on its website that, “There are an estimated 1 million lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer veterans in the United States, and these veterans can face increased health risks and unique challenges in accessing quality health care” (DAV, 2022).

Common mental health conditions and struggles among LGBTQ+ veterans

  • Anxiety
  • Suicidal thoughts and tendencies.
  • Depression
  • Bipolar disorder
  • PTSD
  • Homelessness
  • Problems stemming from sexual assaults.

Important Notice

It is 100% true that the problems faced by LGBTQ+ veterans are faced by other groups of veterans and by any group in the civilian population.

It is also 100% true that any one person can have any combination of identities and any one of those identities can be part of an oppressed group placing that person at a higher risk for these challenges.

That being said, the research shows that these issues are more common and more severe for LGBTQ+ service members and veterans with LGBTQ+ males experiencing the highest rate of mental health conditions and addiction struggles.

On the website Ctveteranslegal.org, a reason given was that veterans are already at a higher risk due to what they experience while serving, and LGBTQ+ Veterans experiencing extreme mistreatment and bullying.

LGBTQ+ individuals make up one of the least protected population group all over the world and even still in the United States. For nearly all of U.S. history we (LGBTQ+ individuals) were barred from military service.

Eventually the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy was put in place making people who were not heterosexual have to hide who they were to avoid being kicked out of the service. While repealed in 2009 this act had damaging effects and created a toxic environment for LGBTQ+ service members (CVLC, 2020).

And then in 2019 the Trans Exclusion Policy was put in place preventing individuals who are transgendered from serving as the gender they identify as, preventing individuals with gender dysphoria from serving all together (CVLC, 2020).

Another serious risk for LGBTQ+ service members is the risk of receiving a discharge status of Other-than-Honorable just because they face discrimination once someone else finds out that they are not cis gender or heterosexual.

While this is not exactly the same as a Dishonorable Discharge, it still comes with harmful, and life changing consequences.

This lable still carrys with it harsh stigma. A service member labled with this status can possibly not be receive “veterans’ health care, income disability benefits, employment opportunities”or other similar benefits made for veterans to help them live adequately. (CVLC, 2020).

  • Eldery Veterans

TOP REASONS FOR LEAVING ARMED SERVICES (the percentages for each of these reasons was around 30% give or take a few percentages)

Research shows that ” The median age of veterans today is 65 years”, “Vietnam Era veterans have a median age of about 71, and World War II veterans are the oldest with a median age of about 93” (Vespa, 2020). which means that a large number of veterans are either at full retirement age, or are coming close to it. Many issues are faced by civilian senior citizens, and for veterans there are even more complicating factors.

  • Veterans of color

Black/ African American veterans

In 2020 there were reportedly 2.3 million veterans who listed their race as Black/African American.

While it is true that only 11.5 % of veterans in 2020 were black, it is also true that 32% of homeless veterans were black. This means that there is still a major problem with inequality and racial disparities among veterans.

Top Reasons for Leaving Armed Services (listed in order from most reported reason to lesser reported reason)

  • Lost faith or trust in military or political leadership
  • Family Reasons
  • Pursue education and training opportunities
  • Military retirement (20 years or more)
  • Career change/ alternative job opportunities
  • Completion of military service obligation (less than 20 years)

TOP TRANSITIONAL CHALLENGES (Listed in order from most reported difficulty to lesser reported difficulty)

  • Getting a job
  • Navigating VA programs, benefits, and services
  • Financial struggles
  • Employment preparation 38% Depression
  • Skills translation
  • Getting socialized to civilian culture
  • Disability
  • Contradictory information from different sources
  • Understanding GI Bill benefits

Hispanic/ Latinx Veterans

In 2020 it was also reported that 1.3 million U.S. veterans were of Hispanic descent.

Top Reasons for Leaving Armed Services (listed in order from most reported reason to lesser reported reason).

  • Pursue education and training opportunities
  • Lost faith or trust in military or political leadership
  • Family reasons
  • Completion of military service obligation (less than 20 years)
  • Career change/ alternative job opportunities
  • Concerns & grievances about service experiences

TOP TRANSITIONAL CHALLENGES (Listed in order from most reported difficulty to lesser reported difficulty)

  • Getting a job
  • Navigating VA programs, benefits, and services
  • Financial struggles
  • Getting socialized to civilian culture
  • Skills translation
  • Employment preparation
  • Depression
  • Understanding GI Bill benefits
  • Disability
  • Civilian day-to-day life

Service members of color and of Hispanic origin still face a number of challenges both in the service and while transitioning out of the service.

  • Disabled Veterans

Sadly, there is a high rate of disability directly related to serving among veterans with 43% of Post-9/11 veterans having disabilities due to their time in the service. This is a rate that is much higher than it has been for any other group of U.S. veterans (Vespa, 2020).

While surveying men of the very young age of 25, researchers found that when compared with men who had never served in the military, men who had served in the military had a higher likelihood of developing chronic medical conditions.

Chronic health conditions that male veterans were more likely to report suffering from included:

  • hypertension
  • arthritis
  • diabetes
  • cancer
  • stroke

60.1%

Of Veterans 65 and older suffer from at least one chronic health condition.

29%

Of female veterans between the ages of 25 and 64 are suffering from arthritis.

32.2%

Of male veterans between the ages of 25 and 64 suffer from hypertension

This all makes up a large portion of veterans who are surviving through everyday with some type of chronic health condition that can most likely be attributed, at least in part, to the  heavy toll that comes with miilitary life.

General struggles of veterans

  • Unemployment
  • Sense of self
  • Service Related Disability
  • Homelessness
  • Physical Handicaps
  • Poor Mental Health

“Without access to quality care, the daily realities of living with mental and physical disability can quickly compound and lead to substance abuse, unemployment, poverty, and the break down of familial support networks” 

(Statista Research Department, 2022)

Homelessness

As of this year reports show that there are 16.5 million veterans in the U.S. and a large number of those veterans are homeless with nearly half of the county’s homeless veterans having no type of shelter (Statista Research Department, 2022). Our veterans deserve better, these human beings deserve better.

Most veterans who are homeless identify as men (91%).

3% of homeless veterans are Native American or Alaskan Native despite the fact that this ethnicity group only makes up .7% of all veterans.

4.8% are Multi racial despite making up a total of 2.1% of total veterans.

Health struggles

Over 75% of veterans in recent years have suffered from conditions like:

  • Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
  • Depression
  • Anxiety

44%

of veterans have reported that they have thought about taking their own lives.

Nearly a large percentage (85.1%) of veterans were reported to be suffering from untreated substance use disorders in 2019 (Statista Research Department, 2022).

9.8%

Of U.S. veterans had experienced a severe depressive episode in 2019 alone. That may not seem like much, but that is large when you consider that the 9.8% refers to a large number of total human beings

Any one of the millions of veterans in the United States is at an increased risk for struggling with this serious issue.

29.5%

Of Veterans struggling with their mental health were also reported to have used illicit substances in 2021.

13%

Of Veterans reporting using marijuana in 2021, which is not illegal everywhere, and can be used medicinally in some cases.

10%

Of Veterans between the ages of 18 and 25 have reported having substance use disorders.

Only 6% of veterans rate their overall health as excellent.

A survey done in 2021 found that over 1/3rd veterans felt that the medical attention they received from the department of Veterans Affairs (VA) is subpar compared to the care received in civilian medical centers. Over 1/3rd felt they received the same level of care when compared with other medical centers, and less than 1/3rd thought that the care they received was better at the VA than at other centers.

While veterans are normally aware of the fact that there are some agencies like the VA and programs like the Wounded Warrior’s Project (WWP) to help with physical health conditions, many veterans have stated that they do not generally know what supports if any, are available for mental health concerns.

An even higher percentage of veterans still feel to ashamed or embarrassed to ask for such help also.

This is not surprising as seeking mental health care still comes with a great deal of social stigma even today, and within the military there is the expectation that those serving will be the toughest of the tough. Sadly for many people a “tough” person hides their pain and pretends everything is OK.

This is absolutely not true! It takes true strength to ask for help when you need it, and seeking help from licensed professionals can be life changing and life saving for most people who give it a chance and who are ready to get help.

Where I got my information

https://www.census.gov/library/publications/2020/demo/acs-43.html


https://www.aarp.org/research/topics/life/info-2022/united-states-veterans-state-reports-2022.html#:~:text=According%20to%20U.S.%20Census%20Bureau,of%20Columbia%2C%20and%20Puerto%20Rico.


https://www.dav.org/learn-more/about-dav/


https://bva.org/challenges-veterans-face-when-leaving-the-military/
https://www.statista.com/topics/3450/veterans-in-the-united-states/#topicHeader__wrapper


https://www.militarytimes.com/veterans/2022/02/22/wounded-veterans-struggle-to-access-mental-health-support-survey/


https://www.statista.com/topics/3488/veteran-health-in-the-us/


https://endhomelessness.org/resource/people-color-make-much-larger-share-homeless-veteran-population-general-veteran-population/

https://ctveteranslegal.org/a-continued-struggle-for-equality-lgbtq-service-members-and-veterans/


https://ivmf.syracuse.edu/article/black-and-african-american-in-the-military/


https://ivmf.syracuse.edu/article/hispanic-and-latinos-in-the-military/


https://sparks.wnba.com/challenges-faced-by-women-veterans/


https://www.statista.com/topics/3450/veterans-in-the-united-states/#topicHeader__wrapper

How Long It’s Been!

Photo by Bich Tran on Pexels.com

What have I been doing!?

Oh Gosh everyone! It has been sooo long since I have posted anything on this website! It’s been so long I honestly thought the website had expired! I am sorry I have not been more active on here, but I have not been doing nothing at all (most of the time).

I have been hard at work in my rapid back to back 7 week classes for my Bachelor degree in Social Work, and have just three more weeks until I start the final phase of this part of my journey which is a 7 month internship to prove I have the skills necessary to graduate and make it in the real world.

I will also be gaining more skills than the ones I currently have along the way. From the looks of things I will be interning at the Planned Parenthood outreach center which as I have become interested in working with communities and being an advocate and activist for human rights.

I am a bit nervous because this will be something new but I am over all very excited to expand my skills while being able to help people both at the agency and people in my community. I just had my final interview and now just have to wayt until monday for confirmation that everything is finalized.

Aside from preparing for obtaining my degree, I have been spending time helping my family when needed and trying to catch up with the flood of news about current events, social work/ mental health, the ever changing political arena, and other areas of social and environmental justice work. I have been trying to develop a consistant self care routine and daily life routine that increases my health, skills, knowledge, and other personal development. Oh, and I can’t forget spending every sunday afternoon watching my youngest brother excell at pop warner football (despite my limited knowledge on the subject, I just wait until people on our side start clapping to clap).

What will I do from here?

My plan moving forward is to develop a plan! (Just kidding I totally have a plan). No, in all seriousness, I plan on doing the very best I can do at my internship which will get me used to working in a social work position at relatively normal hours for someone in the field, though without the large volumes of class work I should have even more free time to devote back to this blog, maybe the youtube channel, but maybe not the youtube channel (I’m still keeping the old videos up in case anyone wants to see them).

I plan on continuing to work on myself and putting in serious effort into my non blog writing and intense self reflection to solidify my understanding of myself and of myself in relation to the world around me. I am going to use the next 7 months of my internship to take all of the chances I can and to dive into this work that excites me and fuels my passion.

I have also renewed my membership to the National Association of Social Workers at the student level and plan to use the treasure trove of resources the Association has to offer as a way of self improvement. I plan on volunteering again like I used to and getting more involved in the areas I have already committed to getting involved in as well as continuing my journey of spiritual development as that is an area of my life that I have not given much focus but which holds great significance for human beings.

Since it is important for people to have goals and hobbies not related to their area of work or study, I also have some plans for spending my free time in a way that is not aimless (like scrolling endlessly through facebook), but is also enriching and fulfilling.

My plan for this area of my life is to increase activities like

  • My Latch Hooks
  • New crafting mediums like clay and resin
  • taking time to enjoy already loved and new media in the form of music, art, movies and television shows (like the new show on netflix about a certian infamous individual)
  • writing stories and poems while planning to write a novel and improving my overall writing skills
  • actually using my gym membership
  • reading and listening to all of the books and podcasts in my media libraries
  • any random activity, event, or type of hobbie that I might want to try as it comes up

Updates to my life and lessons I’ve learned since I’ve been gone.

Life Updates:

  • My brother had a baby boy giving me a niece from my sister and a nephew from my brother
  • My sister who gave me a niece last year is now having another baby who will be joining us very soon
  • my aunt is having a baby and the family is thrilled
  • One more sibling has graduated high school and another is set to graduate this school year leaving only 3 of 8 of my siblings who will still be in grade school.
  • I am getting very close to graduating and life is overall going better than it has ever been in my past 28 years of life.

Lessons I have learned:

  • Never say never.
  • Give your best effort every day and try to find the positives, you will not always be able to give 100 percent every day, and some days all you may accomplish is getting out of bed and taking a shower, but as long as you have done your best that shower is an acomplishment to be celibrated. Also it may not always be easy, especially in the face of great adversity, but trying to look at life from a positive attitude will be better for your health in the long run.
  • No one is perfect and that is okay, but you should never stop trying to be the best person you can be.
  • Realize your limitations and weaknesses, but also realize your strengths, capabilities, and resources which may help you and seek to overcome obstacles in life by using these strengths and resources
  • Don’t be afraid to ask for help or support when you need it. This one is very personal to me. I was struggling at first feeling like there was no way I could be ready to do my internship, but I reached out to all of the people who I knew could help me or give me advice or support, and now I’m feeling more confident and capable of starting and completing this next phase of my life.