Some major things happened to me this month, which involved my overall mental health that I wanted to share with you all. I can’t really give advice on how to deal with it all yet because I’m still figuring out myself. All I can do is share how I have started to work through everything and how I’m feeling right now. Then, I can reflect on my progress sometime in the near future.
1. Having to give away Hendrix
So, if you are subscribed to my TikTok (while the app still exists), you would have seen the video where I explained that my family had to give away my frenchie puppy named Hendrix. That has caused me a lot of stress because I didn’t want to give him away, but things just didn’t work out, and now he is on his way to his new and better forever home. But thar did still stress me out to the max thinking about if he is OK or not, he is very much OK, but I still couldn’t help but worry.
2. Birthday Drama
If you checked out my last blog post you would have seen that there was some birthday drama and hurt feelings between me, my birth mom, and my adoptive mom that was stressing me out so much and I didn’t know how to work through it, but that issue actually did improve once we all got all of our hurt feelings out in the open in healthy discussions in the days leading up to my birthday. I ended up having a really great birthday too.
3. Mental health crisis
So I have issues with really bad ptsd, and while it was much more severe years ago, I still cannot sleep at night without having flashbacks and nightmares and that has recently been affecting many other areas of my life as a result of my poor sleep. I do anything I can to prevent myself from sleeping at night, then I am exhausted all day and too tired to do anything of value. There is so much stress and hurt going on in my heart and i have been trying to fix that by distracting myself which isn’t all harmful, but i definitely need to start using some different coping skills.
4. New Psychiatrist
So speaking of crises, I was hit with a metaphorical bomb when I got a call from my Psychiatrist office saying that my doctor no longer worked there and I would need to set up an appointment with a different provider. This came all of a sudden and I was so anxious about what it would be like with a new provider eventhough I have gone through the process many times before.
I always have worries about new providers no matter how many times it happens. Well this week I just had my appointment with the new provider and he is much different than my former one, but I have a good feeling he may be able to help me in ways my former provider wasn’t qualified in so I have high hopes.
5. No longer on the Committee
A few months ago, I took a step towards helping with the biggest commitment I’ve ever helped with, and I joined an American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, Out of the Darkness Walk planning committee to plan my area’s local walk.
But as the months went by I found that due to a mix of all of my mental health challenges that kept coming up and my complete regression into depression and anxiety, I wasn’t doing nearly as much work for the committee as I needed to to get anything done.
I was getting too overwhelmed and unable to focus on being effective at all. Because if that, I just made the decision to step down from my role on the planning committee and to focus on my mental health and not on spreading myself too thin with different tasks and obligations.
This is how it is inside my mind right now.
While I didn’t want any of these stressful events and situations to happen this month, it was powerful to realize that I could let go of worrying about the things I couldn’t control and that I needed to reflect on the things I can control so I know how to make a game plan to heal from this latest mental health crisis.
I would also like to mention how, overall, proud I am of myself that even though I am going through this difficult time right now, I am not experiencing feelings of self-harm or to die by suicide. For me, that is a big milestone, and while I am in a rough patch, I know it won’t last forever if I put in the work I need to to heal.
This is all I had to share for the end of mental health awareness month. I hope it inspired you to take a moment to reflect on how you are feeling mentally and this moment and physically too so you can determine if any of your physical sensations are a result of your mental state. I hope that if you are struggling with a crisis right now, you find the strength and support that you need to get through it.
Next month will be Pride month and I won’t make a big pride post since I did last year, but I will be posting something at some point next month that is pride related, and I will be going to some fun pride events in my area too. As of right now this is the end of this post so goodbye, I love you all, and I hope you stay tuned for the next post.
So last week, May 11, I celebrated my 30th birthday, and it ended up being great for more reasons than just because it was on a Saturday, which is my favorite day. And while the day and weekend as a whole were wonderful, things didn’t go entirely as planned.
Before the weekend started, I had made plans to celebrate it at a hotel with my birth mom, whom I hadn’t celebrated a birthday with since I was turning 12. She had been in my life in the years following my time in foster care and adoption, but for one reason or another, it was never possible for us to celebrate my birthday together.
Because I was so excited about the plans we made, though, I forgot to realize that my adoptive mom would want to spend time with me that day, too. My adoptive mom, who had raised me through all of my pain to get me to the point I am now.
When everyone’s hurt feelings did come out just days before my birthday, I felt trapped between 2 moms, and like I wasn’t looking forward to my birthday. I didn’t have either of my dads to worry about because they aren’t in my life for different reasons, but I wanted to spend time with both of my moms together all getting along.
This story brings me to the first major thing I’ve learned in 30 years, or 3 decades…
1. Never be afraid to speak your truth and tell people what you need to tell them.
My adoptive mom got all her feelings out to me so I know how she felt, my birth mom got all her feelings out to me so I knew how she felt, and I got all my feelings out to both of them so they both knew how I felt.
Once everyone had everything they had to say out in the open, we were all able to start to work through our feelings, and the weekend was much better.
Throughout the day and even up until now, I started thinking about my life up until the age of 30. The turmoil in my starting years and for the rest of the years following, the sarcasm and angst of my teenage years, the recklessness and uncertainty of my early 20s, and how my mid to late 20s were building up so I felt more confident and sure of myself like I know what I want from life now.
This also involved me taking a look at the hopes and dreams I’ve had through my life and where I am now. While somethings are the way I planned them to be in my early years, there is so much that has happened that I didn’t plan, and I haven’t achieved some milestones that I thought I would by 30, but there are others that I hit earlier than I thought I would.
That brings me to the second lesson I’ve learned in my 30 years of life…
2. Life doesn’t always go as planned, and that’s ok.
I thought for sure that by now, I’d be a licensed clinical social worker with a spouse and at least 2 kids living in a house that my spouse and I own, I thought I’d have traveled to even more places than I have so far, and I thought I’d have the perfect body of my dreams.
Instead, I live at home with my mom and kid brother again, I haven’t been on the dating scene in over 3 years and not because I ever got married or had kids I’m not a licensed clinical social worker, but am on disability and even if I could have a job I don’t even want to do that anymore. While I have traveled to some really cool places, there are still many more places I want to travel to, and the way I feel about my body fluctuates often.
All of that may seem bleak, but it’s all OK to me now. I feel even more comforted when I take a look at life through the eyes of gratitude and abundance. I may not have kids, but I have 4 adorable nieces and nephews, I may not have done everything I have wanted so far, but I have had some incredible experiences and have gotten to do so much more than I ever thought I could, I may not have a partner, but I am fully focused on loving and healing myself so I’ll be ready when love comes, and if it doesn’t, at least I will be a happy and healthy person overall.
I might not have any career i planned on having, but I am doing stuff that I love that’s helping people (this blog and volunteering) and I do still have issues with my body, but that is my ongoing project of self love and acceptance. Plus, I am getting so much healthier with my mental health and diabetes.
Now as I look at the years of my life that have passed, I no longer want to end things like I did for most of my teens and 20s, I have goals, visions, and dreams for the future, and a plan to keep moving forward. That brings me to the third thing I’ve learned in my time on this earth…
3. Life is precious cherish it, and if there is something wrong put in the work to fix it.
Obviously, life gets hard and can feel truly impossible to live at times. Someone may not feel they have a strong support system of people who genuinely care about them. The hardships one has to bear may seem like too much, and at a certain point, you may feel like giving up on waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel. My honest advice is don’t.
Things aren’t going to go from bad to better overnight so I don’t want to give anyone false hope, the kind of change that may be needed will take some hard work either physical or mental, and I won’t pretend otherwise. You may have limited resources and options that may not be available to you that are available to everyone.
That is all truly hard and heartbreaking, and I can’t in good conscious tell anyone what they should do to solve their problems, especially people I don’t know and have never met.
Nothing I say is meant to be taken as a substitute for personal professional diagnosis or treatment.
All I can do is say what worked for me, and what worked for me was finally putting in the work.
Most of my life has been spent living in survival mode and the rest of my life has been spent trying to have a normal life and recover from spending the earlier parts if my life in fight or flight. I was abused for so long in so many ways and by so many people and the only way my mind could cope with it was by giving me unpleasant and frightening physical and mental health symptoms which was on top of my neurodivergences. You could say I was doomed from the start. For a long time, I felt doomed. I tried all kinds of vices to distract myself from the pain and self medicate, but nothing worked. It didn’t work until I really started putting in the work.
I didn’t have a choice to put myself in therapy when I was 13, I was in foster care, so I automatically went. That’s not when I started putting in the work. When I turned 21 and went out on my own working and going to school full time, when everyone thought I had my life together because I didn’t need therapy, I wasn’t putting in the work, I was distracting myself by over working myself in both areas so I had no time to think about all the pain I was feeling from my birth parents and from my adoptive parents’ divorce.
I didn’t even start putting in the work when I had a bad mental breakdown at 22 and spent the next couple of years in and out of the psych ward, losing everything my apartment school and my job and increasing risk taking behaviors.
If I had to put a time stamp on it, I’m going to say I started putting in the work at 25. (At 23, I had moved back out on my own but was still engaged in bad risk-taking behaviors until the end of that year) by that time I knew I needed to change or I was headed for an early grave.
Everyone’s WORK will look different from the next person as everyone is unique with their own challenges and opportunities, strengths and weaknesses, as well as in their circumstances and life situations. For me putting in the work would be a 5 year process from 25 until now at 30 and with some set backs along the way.
The first thing I had to do was move closer to my mom, though not in with her right at that time. This was right around covid, so I needed the extra human companionship, that didn’t help much because it still seemed too far away for both of us to want to visit each other, and I stopped wanting to leave my apartment (again covid, so there wasn’t much to do, but I could have visited my family more) while I moved closer to my family I had another piece of work to do, take therapy seriously.
I had been going since continuously since I was 23 but had been distracting my counselor with jokes, or not talking about what I really needed to talk about and then my counselor left the practice so I got a new one who was better at getting me to open up about the real stuff. She taught me the importance of doing my next task, which was to set up boundaries with the people in my life and with myself when needed, and to keep them up.
I was so used to being a people pleaser, but she had pointed out to me I wasn’t depleting myself to satisfy others out of love or kindness, I was doing it out of fear that I would lose them or that they would be mad at me. That was a very important lesson for me to learn, and it is one I am still trying to master. I ended up learning that most of my reactions and go-to responses are trauma responses that need to be unlearned.
The set back I had was that through all of this emotional work that was being done in therapy, I was becoming a really bad hoarder and emotionally eating myself to death, literally I almost had a diabetic coma from my eating habits. Eventhough I was able to start school again in 2021 finishing my associates degrees and even though I was at the top of my game school wise, that was the only thing I was doing well, and there were several times I called my student advisor crying that I didn’t think I could handle it (I am so glad I finished and got my bachelor’s last year). I was distracting myself from any emotional pain with stuff, food, and school, then my internship at planned parenthood.
Once again it was time for the next step of my work, I had to swallow my pride, and move back in with my mom and kid siblings (there were 4 living here now just my youngest sibling other than the kid my adoptive dad has with his new girlfriend (the one I’m not allowed to see for some reason). The funny thing is, my mom and I both thought it would be a good idea at around the same time.
Since moving in with her last year, I have lost like 20 pounds (about 40 total from 211 to 160) my diabetic blood sugar numbers and cholesterol have gone back to pre-diabetic levels, I have 3 degrees under my belt and am starting to live the life of my dreams. This now looks like volunteering and donating anywhere I can (I have my core places) getting out in the community more to do fun things and meet new people.
I have one solid friend in my life who I can always call to do stuff with, and people I talk to who are becoming friends, I have a good relationship with both of my mom’s and parts of their families even if I can’t talk to my whole family either biological or adoptive it feels good to have a strong support system. My life is also full of babies even if none of them are mine ( I’ve raised or helped raise enough kids, so I’m good).
I have also gotten the chance to love some wonderful pets even if they couldn’t all stay in my life (those of you who follow my TikTok know I was recently heartbroken when I had to give away my Frenchie Puppy, but he is in the best home ever now and is getting lots of love with 2 other Frenchie pups to play with. We still have our loving and funny German Shepard named Honey, though.
Perhaps one of the most important things I have done to change my outlook on life was to change my out look on life.
It seems like a paradox or something, or like it’s really simple, but it’s not as simple as just saying it. The way I did it was to stop following a spiritual path that didn’t bring me a sense of love, comfort or relief, and to find one that did (I won’t say which path I was on or which path I took because it’s personal and it is all about which one calls to you).
You may even find that the best spiritual path for you is no path, and that’s alright, too, in my book. It’s all about what brings you the most peace, happiness, and fulfillment. One important aspect of many, if not all, is spiritual paths that helped me the most, though, was to start seeing life through a lens of gratitude and abundance. This was not always easy to do, and when bad stuff happens, I still have my moments of struggle, but I never think about wanting out again, though not until it’s my natural time.
A final note:
I have truly been fortunate, and I can’t wait to live my next 30 years.
Over my 30 years, I have had extreme hardships, moments of extreme happiness, moments of apathy and turning off all emotion to not feel anything, and every type of emotion that could be felt as well as many different types of life experiences. I have developed a personality with varied interests and hobbies, with more I’m trying every week, and I have developed a stable sense of self all with the help of my solid and ever changing support system.
I have lost people I never thought I would lose either due to tragedy or due to us just growing different ways, but I have also gained people in my life that are the kind of people I always dreamed of having. I now have a chosen family that is a mix of people in my birth family, people in my adoptive family, close family friends, or my own friends who have become like family.
I hope anyone who has read this far has been able to learn something from the lessons I have learned in these 3 decades, I don’t want it to seem like it’s been perfect, that the changes I made weren’t difficult to do, or that I don’t understand how hard life can make it to change. Not everyone is born with the sane challenges or the same levels of opportunity, sadly, and I do know that. I used to read posts like this one and think there is no way just thinking positively could change how I feel or that it could even be done.
Now I know that change is possible, but that it does take some actual effort and genuine trying to heal along with a strong support system that can be created to include a wide mix of people in our birth families, or people we pick up along the way of life. It may take resources like therapy, which many people can’t afford if they don’t have insurance, and it could take other resources to get basic needs met that are also hard to come by. While things are being done to lessen the cost of therapy and give more people access to basic needs, I am not out of touch and know how scarce these resources are for a large number of people.
That’s why anything on my blog will always be free, and why if I can find cheap or low-cost resources, I will always try to find them and make my followers aware of them. All I can say to people trying to get the resources needed to improve your life, is never stop trying. Go to free community events and support groups, take advantage of resource fairs many government program you may qualify for if you need it.
Try sites like better help if you make too much for free insurance but not enough for other insurance to cover everything, more of these legitimate sites like better help (not sponsored) are popping up and offer pretty good deals. Try to make the most out of public nature areas, libraries, and any school clubs or resources. If you are a college student make full use of the school counselor, free college events and fun nights, and clubs, anything you can do to improve your life situation in any way, go for it. Life can be hard, but there are things that can be done right now to start making improvements.
Today is a very important day. It is the day we honor our planet and actually pay it the attention we need to pay it.
I have not always been concerned with the planet or thought of it much. I took it for granted for a very long time, but as I look around on the news and my own environment, I see extreme wildfires in places that didn’t get them before, or that didn’t get them as bad, snow in places that never had it much before, and no snow in places like where I live where we uses to be covered in feet of it, places are getting flooded with a year’s worth of rain in one storm, Animals are changing their migration patterns, and all kinds of other stuff is showing me how important taking care of the earth is.
That’s not to say everything is bad as far as the environment goes. There was a large hole in the ozone layer from all the aresol cans that eventually healed, young people are taking up the fight for economic justice, and there are entire organizations dedicated to things like planting trees, like One Tree Planted, which has planted over a hundred million trees as of last year (I use them myself).
It is easy to see all of the bad and think there is nothing we can do to improve things, but we must remember that there is still hope in the fight for the Earth. Good things are happening every day, and we shouldn’t let the bad deter us away from trying to do good. Sadly, it’s not enough to just recycle and buy eco-friendly products like I used to think. Definitely keep doing those things because they help, but it is extremely important to also work together in a non-partisan way on a larger scale like working to change business practices to be more kind to the earth even if it means the businesses take a bit less profit.
I know this is all very easy to say and harder to do, but it can be done. You just have to find a way to help that speaks to you and that you’re passionate about. For me, that means that from today on, I’m going to pit more effort into reaching out to legislators and connecting with the Citizens Climate Lobby chapter that I am a part of.
However you celebrate Earth day and however you decide to show gratitude to the Earth for being our home, just make sure to care for yourself first because you can’t pour from an empty cup. Thank you for sticking around this long, those of you that have, and I’ll see you again next time.
In honor of this month, I started taking a course on women’s health and equality on the learning app Coursera (not sponsored it’s just a really good app). The course is free even to get a certificate of completion. I am almost done with my first week, and I have already learned so much.
Also, in honor of Women’s History Month, I want to shout out the several women in my life who, in one way or another, inspire me to be the person I want to be.
The honorable mentions are all of the women in my family tree who lived the way they did in all of the areas of Europe and the U.S. that they did so that I could have the life I have now (this includes the women in my adoptive family trees too because my parents wouldn’t be here to aspt me if they didn’t live the lives they did).
Other honorable mentions are all the female mentors I’ve ever had who inspired me with their drive to succeed and work ethics. I even learned from mentors that I did not care for very much.
I want to take this time, though, to give specific thanks to the individual women who have molded me into the person I am today.
Get it molding!
10. My high-school Spanish teacher, my 11th grade math teacher, and my 9th, 11th and 12th grade English teachers.
I couldn’t pick just one of them in this bracket because I only wanted to do a top 10 list, but all 3 made a big impression on my life. My high school spanish teacher I had for all 4 years of high school was the leader of the Costa Rica trip for anyone taking spanish when I was a junior, and she helped me through some self harm issues I had once.
My 11th grade math teacher, although I was never really good at math, has a special place in my heart because she was the first person I told that I had been assaulted when I was in my senior year of high school, and also that year, it was a month before the final and she said she didn’t think I would pass her class or the final but I passed both!
My English teachers in those years stood out to me because English was always my favorite subject, and my 11th grade teacher really understood who I was as a person and loved my poetry.
My 9th grade English teacher was also my 12th grade public speaking teacher. I loved her because she was never afraid to give constructive criticism about my stories and my speeches, plus I could always make her laugh.
My 12th grade English teacher and I formed a good bond. We would always talk after class about the topics we discussed, and all kinds of things until she would have to write me a not for my next teacher as to why I was late (I didn’t mind because my next class was gym and I didn’t like exercise back then).
It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.
9. My English Research and Comp. professor at Suny Jefferson
I had her for other classes too, but I can’t remember what. She always encouraged me with my poetry writing and was one of the poetry contest judges (though i never won, I always had fun). She loved my research papers, and she is still on my Facebook friends list (I friended her after I graduated)
8. My mentors at Planned Parenthood
I had 2 main ones during my time there, and they both taught me a lot about professionalism. They allowed me to take the reins on some very important projects, and they kept the door open for me to volunteer with them even when my internship was ending and they knew I was getting sad about leaving. Plus, they got me a going away appreciation present and loved the one I got them.
7. My advisor and professor at Keuka College
I had the privilege of working with a number of high-quality, helpful, and friendly professors and advisors my whole college career, most of them being women, but the reason my advisor, who was also the professor of many of my social work classes. She helped me both understand the course work, and in helping me feel calm and strong and smart enough to tackle any academic or homelife stressor that came my way while never coddling me or expecting any less than my best work.
I will always treasure the advice I received from every professor in college, but especially my advisor, and from every mentor, but especially mentors at my planned parenthood internship.
6. My birth mom’s mom
I’m not going to pretend that my biological maternal grandma and I had the best relationship, or even a good relationship, because we didn’t really. We definitely had some laughs and special times, but she was always more harsh with me than the boys in the family. She always yelled at me for rocking back and forth, and whenever it was time to call her on the phone, she wanted to talk to my brothers more than me.
That being said I felt extremely guilty for not talking to her for years until she was on her death bed and pretty much unable to talk, then when she died and I started writing a memoir about the effects she and my grandfather, her husband and my favorite family member, had on me growing up, I began to humanize both of them more.
This meant taking him off the high pedestal I had him on, and seeing her as a human being who was suffering from untreated mental illness and trauma her whole life. That lesson, as well as the good times we did have, are how I remember her now, not all the bad times and struggles.
5. My adoptive mom’s mom
I love my grandma on my adoptive moms side. She’s my only maternal grandma left, and she is the closest grandparent I have. We don’t agree on everything, but we have fun debating politics with each other, and we are always there for each other.
For my graduation from high school she took me on a cruise to the Bahamas and a then we stayed in Florida for a few days to go to Disney worlds magic Kingdom and Sea World (yes I know it’s not a safe place for the animals, but I didn’t know that at the time and neither did my grandma). That was a magical trip that I will have to talk about sometime.
My grandma’s were nothing like spongebob’s grandma, but they did love me like she loved him.
4. My Adoptive mom’s cousin
This family member does a lot for the family, things weren’t always so good between us all, but now, she inherits me if anything happens to my mother, that’s how close we are now. She’s helped me move both times I’ve moved from my own apartments, and the second time it was really bad, so she put in a lot of work, she takes me do my appointments often, does my hair with salon quality, and is never afraid to tell it like it is especially with things like my diabetes, and when I’m dating someone that she is able to find dangerous things about (she’s like a detective she’s so good).
I go to her house to carry on the holiday traditions my siblings are all too old for and do them with her son, who is still a young child, and while she’s not the hugging type of person, we always say we love each other, plus it’s fun when we scare each other when the other person is opening a door or something.
3. My Adoptive mom’s sister
I have a total of 4 aunts not counting great aunts, my 2 biological ones are unsafe to be around or even to have a conversation with, one of my adoptive aunts is my dad’s step sister who is a lot younger than him, and who is even several years younger than me. She’s really cool, but I used to babysit her when she was 9. So I can’t go to her for the support I need an aunt for. We have also lost touch as she’s gotten older, and I don’t really talk to anyone in my dad’s family anymore for one reason or another (some reasons I still don’t understand).
My adoptive mom’s sister, though, is 10 years older than me and has always been one of my strongest supporters. We moved in together when she was newly divorced, and I was trying to live like an adult before my breakdown in 2015, she helps me out when I’m in financial trouble, and I can always go to her with my biggest secrets, or when I just need some support. We are not as close as we were since she moved out of New York, but we still contact each other regularly, but text or Google meet (she doesn’t have any social media). I love her so much and can’t imagine my life without her.
I definitely appreciate my chosen family members, and the ones who also chose me.
2. My birth mom
I put my birth mom’s as number 2, but she was my first home (her womb) and I would not have ever existed without her. I lived with her for 12 years before I went into foster care living with her sister until at 13 i was placed with strangers. Growing up I learned a lot from her, while some of it was how not to be as an adult (she struggled with addiction and untreated mental health issues, but I didn’t know that at the time) I also learned some good things from her too. She did the best she could raise 4 kids as a single mother. Her best just didn’t seem to be as much as we needed.
She did, however teach me things like several board games and card games, she always made our birthdays and holidays special, she got me my first and most favorite cd collection, and she did, and does love all of her kids with her whole heart.
She struggled a lot especiallywith trying to be a friend instead of a mother, but she still knew enough to sign over her rights, so my one sibling and I could be adopted by our new parents so we could have the best life possible. We are not always on the same page about healthy amounts of conversation or topics of conversation, and i did have to cut her off at ine point when she wouldn’t respect my boundaries and was still using, but I can be open with her about anything, and she will do her best to support me.
She has recently been making me very proud by going to all of her doctors, including therapy, and by still being clean and sober, too. I love her so much and hope she learns how to forgive herself for the past so she can have a bright future. (I’m saying this in case she reads this).
For the gift of life, thank you, eventhough I haven’t always wanted it.
1. My adoptive mom, just like how I wouldn’t exist without my bio mom, I wouldn’t be here, on earth typing this, without my adoptive mom. She has done so much more for me than I can ever repay her for. She got me when I was 15, and my sibling that got adopted with me was already living here. While my dad no longer talks to me for reasons unclear, she has always been by my side even through the harsh downs and the extreme highs.
We have argued, had misunderstandings, gotten completely hurt by each other, and everything in-between, but we still always love each other and work things out after enough time has passed. There have been so many times I thought I finally pushed her away for good and that she would abandon me, but she never has. I lived with her as a teen who needed structure paired with love to heal from my traumas, she let me go out on my own as an adult until my break down, then took me back, she helped fight for me to get SSI without which, I wouldn’t be able to live.
She and I made the desicion for me to go to an adult group home for a little while when we were at our roughest patch, but I was still very much a part of her life, we just needed some space apart, then when the unthinkable happened at that adult group home (I will talk about that another time), she took me right back until I was well enough to try living on my own again. She has always helped me financially too.
She is the one who realized that I have an eating disorder too. She helped me go from a 15 year old who turned off their emotions emotions to an adult who freely expresses them. For my first year after getting adopted I didn’t complain about anything or ask for anything becausei didn’twant to be too difficult and get sent back (not that she would ever do that) but once she learned that she helped me overcome it.
We still struggle with understanding each other from time to time as my autism causes me to thibk and act differently than a neurotypical person, but now that she is on her own journey of healing from her trauma and anxiety, we have a closer bond than ever and she can appreciatemy quarks a lot better.
I don’t even plan on living on my own again unless I get a spouse or something, and that is okay with me because she offers me so much love and support, we spend time doing out own hobbies and activities, but then we always come together too. Everymornig and night we say we love each other and hug, we take our meds together, we share responsibility of our dogs and the household cleaning (she’s much better at it than me though), we watch Dr. Phil, Oprah, and true crime shows together, plus every Tuesday at 8 we watch finding your roots on PBS.
We both help each other, we both hold each other accountable, and she still operates like my mother above anything else even though we are friends.
My mom is just my mom, no extra add on needed. It’s not about who birthed you (though I love who birthed me and she will always be my mom), it’s about who raised you (they both raised me in some ways, but my new mom helped me flourish) and who was always there for you with both soft and tough love as each different situation required it, and that mom is my mom that I live with now.
While today is important for religious holiday reasons, it is important for another reason as well. Every March 31st since 2009 has been known as the International Trans Visibility Day. Which seeks to celebrate the living people in the Trans and nonbinary communities. NPR has a great article that talks about the history of the day and it’s founder which you can read here…
As a nonbinary human being, this day, and the International Trans Day of remembrance held November 22nd are very important to me. I am not Trans, but I know what it’s like to have to hide who you are from people who don’t understand and from people who are unsafe, even if those people are your loved ones.
While we are already in the year 2024 and the situation is better in some ways for Trans and gender non conforming people, at least in some places in the world, things are also still really scary right now for Trans and gender non-conforming people.
Rights that our ancestors and mentors in the community fought so hard to secure are being taken away or restricted in some parts of even developed countries like the U.S., parents are being charged with child abuse for giving their children basic gender affirming care, Trans women and girls are being bared from participating in sports as the gender that they best identify with, drag preformers are being demonized by people who don’t understand them, and target got backlash just for supplying trans friendly bathing suits.
In many parts of the world, it is simply illegal for Trans people to exist as they are, and if they are found out, they face harsh penalties, which may include death. If some lawmakers could have their way, it would be like that everywhere.
But today, here we are, gender non-conforming and Trans people, continuing to exist and fight all throughout the world. We don’t stop being ourselves just because some people in the world don’t fully accept us. Today is a day to stand up proud and tall as we remain ready to fulfill that need we have to survive and thrive in a world that tries to keep us down.
All day, every day!
It took me until last year to feel totally ready to be fully out and proud of who I am, but now that I am, I’m not going back to hiding. For some this might not be a possibility right now, I know I am in a place of privilege because while not everyone in my family is accepting, my biggest supporters still support me fully even if they Don fully understand everything I go through. And the family that doesn’t support me, either is not safe to have in my life for other reasons, so I cut them out already, or the others who aren’t supportive may not like it, but they wouldn’t hurt me because of it.
For many people they are either still young and living with their family, or living with their family for other reasons at whatever age, and can’t come out or they will be abandoned or kicked out, they maybe in a place geographically where they will face harsh punishments or other violence if they come out (that is not anything I would wish for anybody even if that meant staying in hiding until it was safe to come out), or they may just have any other reason for not feeling ready to come out. That is perfectly fine too.
We all do on our own personal journey of self-discovery it is up to us when we hit whatever milestones we hit. That includes when we come out about who we are and how we want to live our lives. I know I feel much freer and happier now that I am fully out, but again, I have the privilege of living in New York where Trans and gender non-conforming rights are better protected for now.
In any case, to those of you out and proud, and to those of you not out yet, or not fully out yet, (no shame if that is you) I see you, and I am proud of you! You are not alone, and there are people in this world who do care what happens to you.
I really do. Please feel free to reach out if you need support, from me, or from any number of hotlines and warmlines, especially at places like The Trevor Project.
Mental Health Blog | Fight4mylife | United States 