5 lessons I’ve learned in 4 years: Blog Anniversary!

Going 4 years strong! I may change this logo since I’ve had it for so long. I am taking suggestions for changes.

I have had this blog since 2019 just before the pandemic went into full swing, and I have loved every minute of my time doing this. You will notice that in the beginning I posted a lot less frequently than I do now (I know you’re thinking “how is that even possible?”) in the beginning I was trying to find my footing. I was trying to do a gaming YouTube channel, and a channel for this blog, but my videos were boring. I tried to have an Instagram following, but at first I thought the only way I could do that was by posting filtered selfies (so many filtered selfies!). I tried tik tok, but I am not up-to-date on trends.

As the blog has gone on, I’ve done less YouTube stuff, no more tiktoks and far more actual blogging than in previous years. I will not go into what I have planned, because I have done that for the past couple of posts, You’re just gonna see me start doing stuff. Instead, I will be using this blog post to talk about lessons I’ve learned over these four years both while doing this blog, and in life in general. So with that out of the way, I will get to talking about the 5 lessons I’ve learned from doing this blog and the 5 lessons I’ve learned in life for the past 4 years.

Hendrix wanted to say Hi!

5 lessons from doing this blog

1. You don’t have to be perfect or have a perfect life to help support others.

This has been a big lesson I have had to learn. You do have to be healed enough within yourself to healthily provide support to others while still loving yourself, but most people want to feel seen and understood. I have personally found that peer to peer support has helped me feel like I’m not alone and like someone else understands me. That has been vital in helping me to feel more “normal”.

As I have grown and changed these past four years I now trust myself more as someone as valid enough to support others who may have gone through similar life events as me.

2. You should follow your passions and do what you love as long as you truly believe in yourself and the work you are doing, and as long as it’s not genuinely harming others or yourself, it shouldn’t matter what others think.

I need to make a disclaimer here, that I do not do this blog for money at all, I just do this for the love of helping people. Due to my unique life situation I can’t really earn money like this without negatively affecting my family’s living situation, plus I have not yet gained the exact skills or traits that get people to make money blogging.

So when I give this specific advice just know that if you already have a secure financial situation there is less of a problem following any of  your passions as a way to make more money, but there may be more risks involved if you do not have financial security.

That being said, I know that some people’s passions and desperate situations are enough of a driving force that it propels them to success when things look least hopeful. Only you can judge if you are in the best place to follow your passions as a career. There will never be a perfect time, but if you never follow your passions to any degree you end up with a fair amount of regret when you look back on what you’ve done with your life at whatever point you may find yourself. As long as you are still alive though, It’s never too late to follow your passions.

3. You can’t pour from an empty cup! Self care is imperative.

Perhaps the biggest reason I posted so much more in 2023 than in any other year of my blog is because I was feeling a bit of self-pressure and stress in the years prior and not making self care a priority. I filled my time up with distractions from my problems but not actually solving any.

Towards the mid to end of last year, however, I made the decision to move back with my mom and kid brother while I get my physical and mental health better. It may turn out long term because this dynamic works for my family, I can take care if my mom and help with my brother, and she gets the peace of mind knowing that I’m safe.

So far, since moving back I have developed a clear daily routine and schedule and have lost a significant amount of weight while my blood sugar has gone back to safe levels. I will make a separate blog post discussing my changes and their impact on my loved ones and me later on, but for now, I will just say that self-care has played a big role in my health returning to normal. It is vital and we can not safely care for others if we do not properly care for ourselves.

4. Procrastination causes you to miss out on some important opportunities.

Far too often while doing this blog, I have sat down meaning to come up with some content only to get completely sidetracked with a bunch of side quests and I miss out on posting a topic that was time sensitive.

Other times I would just put off doing any blog stuff and would dill up my day with so many other tasks that by the end of the day I had no more time or energy to post anything.

Procrastination has also caused me many more sleepless nights than I needed to have in other areas if my life with me trying to finish school assignments at the last minute when I would not have had to rush if I just didn’t get so overwhelmed or just started my assignment sooner.

5. Celebrate the small victories!

If I waited until I reached high amounts of subscribers or followers to celebrate, or if I waited until I started making money doing this to be happy and proud of my work it would be a long time before I got to celebrate.  My base goal with this blog was to help at least one other person, and I think I have managed to do just that. (feel free to leave your thoughts and opinions in the comments).

To be honest I am rather happy with, and proud of my work with this blog so far (and in life in general). And I still see so much potential in myself and with what I’m doing here. It is my goal this year to unlock some of that potential and build this up even more than it already is. I want at least 100 followers by the end of this year on this blog and my social media sites. I also want to leave more room for engagement from you all.

Why I’m here

I started this blog partially with the goal to help my mental health because I was in a less dark place than I had been for several years before then, but I did not have any direction in life, I was still not working and had not gone back to school yet after trying until 2015 when I had my worse breakdown. That being said, I wasn’t in a particularly bad place, I had finally been put on the right meds for me and seeing a regular therapist, so I wasn’t experiencing extreme highs it lows, but I was just going through life looking for a purpose.

I realized that I have been through so many different life situations, and was dealing with various physical and mental health conditions that had all been impacting my mental health, and I wanted to find a productive way to help others like I had been helped by the supports in my life. I never wanted to claim to be a therapist or any kind of substitute for professional mental health, because I’m not there yet.

I am here to provide support to others the way a good peer would who has had several life experiences who that others might have gone through. I never want people to feel alone or like no one understands them, because I have felt that way before, and it was so isolating. If anything I talk about in this blog is not something you have personally gone through or need help with, maybe it will help you understand people who are going through such things.

That being said I don’t want this blog to be associated with only heavy topics and no fun or playfulness. I realize, however, that I have not been delivering on the light heartedness that much, So I will be doing more of sharing uplifting experiences I have had, and sharing my playful side a bit too.

I am regularly going to share some parts of my life so you can trust me, though I will not he sharing pics of living family or friends or information with living family or friends’ names in it for their privacy. Any story I tell will be through the lense of my life and I will do my best to not tell stories that aren’t mine to tell (ones that are for my family or friends to tell).

With all of that being said, I want to say a big thank you to all of the followers over the years on any of the social media sites you follow on, or even If you just follow on this blog, I know I’m not really big yet and it’s been 4 years but I started out with zero followers and with my aunt being my first follower. If you are not subscribed to this or my social media sites please do so if you like the website and you want to stay up-to-date on what is happening. If you have read until this point, I appreciate it and I hope you have taken something from it. I’ll see you back here real soon for the next post!

Hendrix wanted to say bye and Good night/ Good Morning!

So far 2

What colleges have you attended?

I finally completed my Bachelor’s degree just last May!

I attended SUNY Jefferson which is a small town community college in northern New York.

Here I earned my associates in Human services with an internship completed at my local Salvation Army and my capstone project being a community needs assessment for a portion of my town (the exact requirements were changed a bit during covid as I could not go in person like I originally was going to). I also earned my associates degree in chemical dependency and got certified to be a drug counselor (though I have not pursued that career path yet). Here I made the DEANs list several times and graduated with honors

My second college was Keuka College also located in Norther New York. This is a private college that is not affiliated with the SUNY or CUNY Program

Here I earned my Bachelor’s in Social Work (BSW) Magna Cum Laude, which is just a fancy way of saying I was stressed to the max for about 2 years trying to do my best managing school and life. I attended this college totally online and although it would have been distant learning and I love hybrid at a closer near by school if not for covid, I am actually glad it was all online because traveling in winter is really hard for me even in my town I live in due to the fact that I can’t drive.

For this degree program, I completed an internship with Planned Parenthood where I learned so much valuable information. I did at all of my past internship sites and places of learning. I do not regret the way my path unfolded and plan to start on my Master’s degree once I’m done with my break I’ve been on since graduation.

I would say…

Do you play in your daily life? What says “playtime” to you?

I definitely play throughout my day. Whether it be with my family’s dogs Honey and Hendrix, or whether it be playing video games on my devices. Sometimes my play is to try things I used to love doing as a kid, or some of my favorite crafting hobbies (and while I’m far from even an amateur crafter, I do it anyway because it brings me joy.

I also tend to incorporate a playful attitude into my life by making jokes and trying to brighten people’s day (even though some of my jokes are puns and knock, knock jokes which the people around me find rather corny).

I think play is an important component to a healthy and well balanced life for people of any age throughout life’s many stages. That’s why I continue to play everyday.

What are some ways you play, and how important do you feel play is to a person’s mental and overall health?

Holiday Update!

Ok so I posted a thanksgiving update on Thanksgiving, but for some reason it didn’t publish right. Because of that, I deleted it, and because I can’t remember what the update said, this is my overall holiday season update combining Thanksgiving and my Christmas planning  so far. I will also update you all on the future of this blog.

Thanksgiving:

I forgot to take pictures this Thanksgiving, so please enjoy this Bob’s Burgers styled meme instead.

A Hard Month:

Since I lost the one image I had of me sitting on his lap when I was a kid. I made this poorly done image in canvas combining a picture if him from when I was a child, and a school picture of me from the year after he died. Fun fact, I wasn’t wearing the white turtle neck because it was picture day, I was wearing it because in my hometown (where I was living at the time) all of the schools had a struck dress code to prevent bullying. (it didn’t work, they just found other things to bully me for.)

November has been a really difficult month for me and my mental health ever since 2004, but now thankfully is over without ad much stress as it usually causes me. Somehow we are already almost half way through with the last month of 2023!

Last year I made a post about my grandfather and how much he meant to me. He died when I was 10 and even though it’s 19 years later as of last month, the grief has had a profound impact on my life. He was one of the only people in my birth family who never abused or neglected me (though I came to humanize him more last year after collecting information for a memoir and finding that he wasn’t as perfect as I built him up to be in my mind.) I learned that hear no one is perfect and that we shouldn’t put other humans on a pedestal it is not fair to them because no one can live up to such high standards.

It is important to have people we admire, but my admiration for my grandfather was so intense that it worsening the quality of my life. I spent so much time worrying about doing only stuff that he would have done with me or would have wanted to do, that I didn’t think about what I wanted for my life. I was living in the past from the time in my childhood that he was most present, but wasn’t taking steps to build my future or foster the relationships with the people in my present. Now I still think of him and honor him at key moments like on the week of November 20th, 22, and through the 25th, or on days important to my spirituality in terms of remembering past ancestors, but I don’t focus on him every day of my life (this is a relatively new development in my life).

Let me share the reason that particular week is notable for me and get on with the present day update…

My grandfather died on November 20th, 2004

His birthday was November 22nd, 1944

And we spent that week in 2004 traveling from where we were living in Connecticut, to where he and my grandma were living in New York so we could attend his funeral making the week of the 20th very powerful for my grief. I have lost several other loved ones since then, and he wasn’t the first person I lost, but it was the first funeral I attended and since all I saw at the funeral was his urn and a picture if him, I thought he was on a trip until 2 years later when I realized he was gone and not able to come back.

Thanksgiving week 2023

Not my pic, I got it by typing in Thanksgiving on the WordPress photo search engine.

This year the 20th fell on the third Monday of November and the 25th fell on that Saturday, so it was almost a full week. Before the month even started I worked out a plan with my therapist and my adoptive mom (I live with her now, I may make a post about how that’s been, because I have some experiences with lessons to share) for how I would handle the month as it got closer to the week of the 20th.

The 20th itself was a hard day, I didn’t have the will to do much but I scheduled an appointment on the 22nd to donate blood in honor of my grandfather who’s cause of death was actually Lukemia (this is the reason I donate whenever possible). I did not do much else but have video calls with my birth mom and remember the good times with my grandfather, watching stuff we used to like to watch with him. The 21st my adoptive mom, 2 of my adoptive brothers, my adoptive great grandma, my adoptive grandma (great grandma’s daughter, mom’s mother), and I all are our Thanksgiving dinner early at Texas Road House.

Since we thought that was the only thing we were gonna do for Thanksgiving, we were all surprised when my mom’s brother and his wife invited us all to Thanksgiving the next day at their place. I almost didn’t go because I got really (grossly) sick that night and for the beginning of the day. When I told my mom I did not think I should go, she was supportive at first, but then a wave of realization cane over her. She called me (we were in different rooms of the house) and reminded me that I did not go to Thanksgiving dinner last year because I was experiencing the same kind of sickness. That’s when I started realizing that I probably didn’t get food poisoning from texas roadhouse, and that I was probably just feeling physical manifestations of my grief.

Please do not misunderstand me, physical symptoms are still unpleasant and difficult to deal with no matter what their cause, but it is possible to work through your anxieties and use coping techniques to relax your mind, where as, that is very much less possible when you are experiencing an illness like food poisoning or the stomach flu.

Using my coping skills actually worked for me this Thanksgiving to get me feeling well enough to go to Thanksgiving dinner at 3 that say, and even to dessert at 6:30 that night at my grandmother’s. I was still mournful for the fact that I would never know what my grandpa would have been in his 70s with great-grandchildren, but after taking a hot shower, resting and meditating for a bit, and destrsctibg myself with funny videos that I truly enjoyed, I started to feel a weight lifted from my mind, heart, and digestive system

(that’s were the physical symptoms were, but I’m not saying coping skills cured any kind of physical illness, because there was none).

There was nothing significant that happened the rest of the week in regards to my grandfather’s memory, but I did take my brother who’s still a kid ice skating which was fun for the most part.

As far as Christmas…

I watch this movie every holiday season, I already watched it this week!

As of today, it is new year’s eve, Eve, and Christmas is over, but I still have holiday spirit! This year, Christmas was quite unusual for my family. Due to family drama stuff, we had to celebrate Christmas several days earlier than usual and with only one of my siblings and I. On top of that no pictures were taken. I did get something I have been wanting for 2 years though so that was nice (it’s a instax link 2 and I have already printed so many photos!)

I was sad for some different reasons but I realize now it was mostly due to my inability to cope well with changes to my holiday traditions. There was the fact that I’m used to it snowing long before and during the holidays but it didn’t this year. Having Christmas earlier and only with a small portion of my large family made it unusual, and my grandma spent Christmas in the hospital this year which worried me. On top of all that, the traditions I had built up since moving out of my parent’s place had to be changed since moving back in to live with my family again.

Usually, around the holidays I build a gingerbread house with my brothers, I bake those pre made Christmas cookie doughs, I watch holiday movies and specials with my birth mom via Facebook messenger and holding my phone up to my laptop so she can see it, and I usually have Christmas on Christmas with all my siblings (in my adoptive family) decorating my apartment was also a special part of the holidays for me.

This year my brothers didn’t want to build a gingerbread house, which was tough, but I had to remember they are getting older and don’t always want to do the same stuff. I wasn’t able to make cookies this year, not for any specific reason, it just didn’t happen. I watched some stuff with my mom, which was nice, but I had to remember it was unhealthy how much we talked in previous years, so I had to limit our calling, which was hard because I felt guilty. (these are still feelings I am working through). The final thing that was different was that this year we didn’t have my big tree to decorate, and the family tree was put in my brother’s room this year so the new puppy didn’t get to it, but we never ended up finishing decorating it. To compensate, I was able to decorate a smaller tree that I got from the dollar store and put in my room.

So Christmas didn’t go exactly as planned for me and my family, but does any holiday, completely go as planned? I was also able to learn some important lessons about not being so rigid with my traditions. I still had holiday fun, but life had me celebrate it while working around life’s challenges, instead of celebrating the holidays at the expense of living a well balanced life.

So as you can probably tell, I celebrate secular Christmas (I also celebrate Yule in my own way for spiritual life), but I do believe in freedom of religion and everyone’s freedom to follow their own life path as long as it doesn’t harm anyone else. Whatever holiday you celebrate I hope you have had a holiday season filled with peace and joy, and that you really challenge yourself to look at the traditions you have and determine if they still act as a source of good in your life, or if there may be some that no longer benefit you. That’s another thing I have had to do as I’ve gone through adulthood during all holidays, not just the winter ones.

Now that we have got the holidays out of the way, and with the new year 2024 approaching in just 2 days, I would like to talk about the future of this blog.

The Future of this Blog…

Let’s look into the future

So, this blog will continue, I will continue adding resources and may add a challenge or 2. I have not always been consistent with my upload schedule, and I can not guarantee that I will be perfectly consistent moving forward, but I have big plans for 2024. It will be my hear of living life to the fullest.

And most importantly, I’m going to pour my time into self reflection and self discovery so I can be a fuller version of myself. I want you all to feel my love and support, and I want you to feel comfortable with me as a creator.

I will be opening myself up in a new way, sharing pieces of myself and my experiences trying to share things I have learned so others can learn from me and spend less time learning the hard way. I am going to increase my presence on the fight4mylife social media pages (Facebook, Tumblr, twitter (or X), and Instagram). I will try to do more with tiktok, but bear with me because I’m just not supper cool and I may not always understand all the trends.

I will end hear for now, but I want to hear from anyone who may be reading this post, what do you want to see from his blog moving into 2024? What topics do you want covered, and what do you expect a mental health and life blog to be like? Please comment your thoughts here or on the social media pages and I will respond. And have the happiest of new years!

It’s been about 3 years doing this blog and I’m still in the fight4mylife with each aspect of my health being impacted by how I care for my mental health. Join me here if you are looking for hope, connection, and good life lessons. Here you will not find expensive courses, or life coach sessions, you will just find me, a person doing this not for money, but to help as many people as I can during the time I have left on this earth. I want to help other mental health warriors who are in the fight for their lives (we all are to some extent whether we realize it or not). Life may get tough, but there is always hope. You are never alone and you don’t have to fight in silence or solitude.

I could honestly…

What could you do less of?

Spend less time on my phone. I am often doing important stuff on here since I use it as my mobile office and information center, but I should also balance my time on my phone with time in the real world.

The problem is I never feel like I have enough time to, which makes no sense because I have more time now than ever since I finished school and my internship. I just need to find a way to manage my time better.

It could be that I’ve become too addicted to my technology though, maybe a technology break is on the horizon.